Minimum Wage

Minimum wage, 25 hours a week, and nothing but a good reference and a few extra people skills to come from it...my job was my silver lining today.  Through all of the stresses that have been happening throughout the last couple of weeks, the people at my work were willing to listen, care, and be of some help.  I am happy to say that this is a very appreciated but short silver line.  Thank you co-workers for all that you do and all that you don't realize you do.
-that was easy-

Silver Poetry

How is anyone suppose to know the answers to right and wrong?

How is a little girl suppose to stay so strong?

Will the world uncover it's little secrets before your very eyes?

Or will it fail to speak the truth and give you nothing but lies?

How will we know when we're working too much or for too long?

How will we know if we're being made fun of or if we truly belong?

All of these questions are hard to discover but we'll take it day by day.

After all, it's our life, and we don't have to live any certain way.
 
That poem was written when I was sitting in an English class my senior year of high school.  I was struggling with a lot of inside confusion about the world around me and I came to realize today as  I stumbled upon my poetry that I was going to write some poetry today.  Inspiration is something I thrive to find every single day.  Inspiration is my silver lining and it just so happens that I gave myself my own inspiration. :)

Imperfect lines.

    As I was sitting on the couch with two new friends, I realized something that I have never realized before.  There is a sense of beauty in an fragile and broken girl.  As one of my new friends was sitting before me, I could see her insecurity through her smile, feel her uneasiness when she accidentally said something serious, and it was near impossible to miss her desperate need for human comfort and acceptance.  As she opened up and answer questions out of a "chat pack" (a deck of cards with a random question that allows you to break the ice with others), I had a sense of something so raw, so real, that I couldn't even focus on anything else but her.  She is a beautiful and successful and smart young women who doesn't have a clue how amazing she truly is.

    My silver lining, earlier today, was going to be how light hearted and non-connected work relationships are and how nice that is to just have another human being who is completely unconnected from all other outputs of your life other than work, but when my new friend was opening herself up to me and the other girl, I changed my silver lining instantaneously.  The line today, vulnerability.  The ability to be scared of showing your true self and your intuitiveness to others that only know one very small and vague side of you.  Vulnerability.  The beauty in imperfection.

A Distant Line Moves Closer

    Having Faith has always been something I've been good at.  I'm so liberal minded that having faith was one of the easiest things I could do in my life.  Faith in God; however was always a different story.  When I was in sixth grade I always thought that I had God figured out.  When I'd shoot hoops or play on the playground by myself, God was with me.  I would talk out loud as though he was physically there with me.  We were best friends, God and I.

It seems as though the more education I received the more distant my relationship and belief in God drifted.  Nowadays, I barely think about religion or God unless it's served on the platter before me. 

    I have begun to research things about lost religion and I had read a couple of poems of a time when God was a present part of  my life and I came to find an odd difference in my view of the world.  Faith.  I had faith in a lot more than the little things in life.  Religion gave me a sense of security, love, and loyalty.  To be frank, I feel pathetic that I ever let education be my excuss for a divide in my life and my religion.  Education should have made me realize that believing in something, real or not, is worth it.  To believe is to be successful even when you fail.  To believe in something is to understand it's imperfections and appreciate that it isn't perfect, and yet, that makes it perfect. 

   As for the point, the distant line of faith is closing in, my silver lining is more distinct today: faith.  Hope. Grace.  My mother's middle name is Hope.  My sister's middle name is Grace (I helped choose that) and faith, is something they both have in me, God, and life.  Therefore, my silver line is my newly and growing discovery of my lost faith.

A technical line

The past few days have been halfway decent and exciting and it is days like that when it becomes very easy, multiple times throughout the day, to find my silver lines.  Today; however, has started out stressful and uneasy. 

Calling a hundred different people with no clue as to the whereabouts of my placement test scores that I needed faxed to my new college, was only the beginning.  I searched and signed up for classes that made me realize school was soon to begin again.  I continued to organize the school supplies that I just bought and that set my mind at ease because, well, who doesn't love school supplies!?  ha. 

So you're probably asking what my silver lining was through all of this...it's simple really.  Being fortunate enough to have my grandparents full support and approval for changing schools and not giving up.  They both have such faith in me and my education and I feel like they may be more sure than I am at times.  The line today, more specifically is my new school.  Fox Valley Technical College.  Let the learning begin!

My silver lining came in black today, with a smile and a squeaky toy in his mouth.  Prince, our friend Sam's dog, is here for the weekend while she visits her boyfriend who is currently recovering from a horrible car accident.  Prince is a three year old black lab and he is full of energy and spunk.  Prince makes Kate and I smile and laugh all day long.  He gives each of us something to do and take care of while the other is away at work.  It is by no means all play with a younger dog but it is always rewarding.  Today, I did not so much need a silver lining as I appreciated having on to pin point instead. 

A hard line

Today is my brother Levi's birthday.  He is nine years old now.  It is a hard day because I was not invited to a birthday party or a family get together that usually takes place every year.  It's hard.  Plain and simple.  As I remember this day nine years ago when he was resting in his crib at the Oconomowoc Memorial Hospital, it occurs to me how young nine years old really is.  I barely remember my day to day life when I was nine.  I am not there to experience his success and hardships.  He knows that I love him.  I know that he loves me.  The pain of being absent today eats me up inside like a stomach worm just devouring through my intestine line.  Intestine line.  Silver line.  What is my silver lining today?  What is it?  hmm... 

And yet another

The silver lining today was something that has been a grey cloud over my head for quite some time.  It is one of those things in your heart that keeps you up at night and pulls on your legs when you're taking a rest from a long walk.  The silver lining was love.  The ability to not love, actually.  That, is what has keep me strong over the past three years without the support of my dad and step-mom.  The love that I thought they had for me diminished but instead of making that a grey could over my head today, I turned it into something that another person could relate to and thus, I made a friend.  So, you see, my misfortune of uncaring parents gained me someone that does care.  Silver lining prevails again.

The first silver line

Today was one of those days where every one you looked at was having a bad day.
Was it the grey in the sky? 
The chill of the wind? 
Or simply a coincidence?
Whatever the reason, it was present.  I may be only 20 years old but I have come to learn very quickly that people, Americans, more specifically feel that they need a quick-fix for everything in life.  Whether it be a faster check out lane, more items to choose from, or someone to literally tell them what to pick, they always need the fastest and most inexpensive way to fix whatever problem they presently have.  The problem that I found with that 'need' is that if other people need the exact same thing, then how are we suppose to help others.  I mean, if I want more pay and less work hours, how am I suppose to sufficiently help someone who needs a quick print or enlarged photo?  I can't.  I wouldn't have the training, the patience, or the care to help. 
Even though today was one of 'those' days.  I still wanted to help.  My job is minimum wage, not a ton of training and pretty basic in assisting our customers needs, but I still truthfully wanted to help. 
No matter how chilly the wind or grey the sky, I want to help people. 
Hopefully, there are a few other people in the world who feel the same way in their heart.  I can only hope.  And with my hope, was my silver lining. 


My silver lining, to help.  All ways.  Always.